Intern Corner: Life sucks, get a helmet

Stolen cars, broken glass, bodily harm. It's not the next Hollywood blockbuster, but it is just as exciting! Maybe.

The team of Merge Records interns work day in and day out to keep things going smoothly for the label. As the secret backbone of Merge, we expect nothing more than a CD or two and some good karma as reward for our menial-yet-indispensable tasks. And what do we get? A string of bad luck. Heather had her car stolen (she would later learn that it was taken by a less traditional carjacker, known as "Tow Truck Guy."), Jose got a flat tire and shattered a full-length mirror in his bedroom, and I separated a joint in my shoulder after a dog collided with my bicycle and my shoulder collided with the pavement.

And that was just last week! It turns out while the bad luck affecting the Merge intern crew might have weekends off, it starts back early Monday morning. It's a real workingman's curse.

Anyway, about half the interns have been afflicted with an unknown condition characterized by coughing, sneezing, and a general feeling of crappiness.

This bad luck leads me to a single conclusion: a mysterious and ancient curse was placed on a box of records in the Merge basement and was unleashed upon the interns when the tape that sealed the corrugated cardboard was disturbed by infidels in search of ANCIENT EGYPTIAN BURIAL GOLD!!!

Or maybe we are just unlucky. All this goes to show that life truly can suck, so wear a helmet. And wash your hands.

Jay "J-Lo" Lowe
Merge Intern